New “TMNT” Motion Posters are Totally Vertical, Dude!

Michelangelo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Michelangelo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

We’re only a month away from the mo-cap version of the Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, so naturally there’s going to be some buzz-building promo material at “Bay” (see what I did there?  Haw Haw).  Total Film has acquired four motion posters from the upcoming film, each one featuring a different hero-in-a-halfshell.  Check them out after the break.


Here’s the leader, Leonardo, looking all BA and ready to go:


Raphael is the moody one.  Here he is kicking some human tail and rolling around like Sonic the Hedgehog:


Cowabunga!  Michelangelo found a flying skateboard!  Far out, brah!

Donatello is the nerd.  Check out his gadgets:

Okay, regardless of how you may feel about a Michael Bay funded TMNT, it’s hard to deny the extreme awesomeness of these motion posters.  Did you see the action?  The gadgets?  The FLYING SKATEBOARD?! Come on, it’s jet propelled skateboard, what’s not to like?!

Fans of classic TMNT lore have been huffing and puffing about this film since it was announced, but hey, at least a Ninja Turtles movie is happening, you know?

Lets take a step back.  Michael Bay–yes, he sucks.  Some argue that he ruined Transformers, which is fair.  They’re awful films.  But lest we forget he’s not actually directing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  That title goes to one Jonathan Liebesman, the visionary artist who brought us classics like Battle Los Angeles, Wrath of the Titans, and Darkness Falls.

I kid, I kid.  Those are also terrible movies.  I’ll go as far as to suggest that they’re far worse than anything Michael Bay has ever done.  We’re getting really close to a release date, so a critical verdict is inevitable.  Just don’t expect it to be good.

But does it matter?  What do fans expect?  A TMNT film directed by Steven Spielberg or Martin Scorsese?  Look, I’m a huge Ninja Turtles fan–you’ll be hard pressed to find someone in my age-group who isn’t–and even I know that the mythology isn’t exactly Class-A material.  The entire premise in nonsense, and it always has been.  Lighten up, have some fun, and try to enjoy yourself for a second, mmmkay?

And now here I am, acting like I’ve seen the film already (I haven’t).  What I’m trying to say is: it’s going to be awful, but at the very least, it looks somewhat faithful to 1987 Animated Series version of TMNT.  If anything, late 20-somethings everywhere should be a little excited.

As for the alleged bastardization of the origin story, well, two things: first of all, we know nothing yet–plot details have been amazingly scarce–and two: there has never really been a fixed TMNT origin story…ever.  The original comics differed greatly from the 1987 animated series; the Jim Henson-fueled movie trilogy from the 1990s differed from the animated series; the Archie Comics version did their own thing; the 2003 animated version sort of went back to the original comics; the CGI film from 2007 didn’t even know which version it was; and…I haven’t seen the latest Nickelodeon version, but my point still stands.  Let them do whatever they want–it’s the Ninja Turtles norm.

Alright, rant over.  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will be released on August 8, 2014.  Check back here around that time for a full review.




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